Friends: The Good, The Bad and the Unlikely!
Looking at the couch. I'm sure you're thinking of the show; however, you might be thinking "Who would I pick to put to sit there beside me?" Friendships are one of those things that are often mysterious. And the moment when friendships start is hard to actually pin point. Typically it slowly builds. Sometimes, I think about mine and how much I have in common with some. On the contrast, I do have two friends (whom I talk about later) even though I have little in common with them, they are great friends. Friends can compliment you, (and probably annoy others when you're both together) as well as balance you out with differences. (which probably make people think, "How are they friends?")
Friendships Growing Up:
I kinda touched on this on a previous blog; however, I was inspired to expand on it in a new blog, by my pen pal! (So if you like this post, thank Christine!) I always felt like I stood out growing up and not in a good way. I also felt different than anyone else around me. The guys around here like to hunt and ride four-wheelers. I'd rather sit on the porch and write, or take a stroll down the driveway and take pictures. I used to be painfully shy, especially around guys. I always felt like an outcast. Many thought I was gay (and didn't wanna be my friend) they eventually got in my head and I questioned if they were right. (I decided they weren't right!) As you can imagine, I had few male friends. I have always been an introvert and I don't think that will ever change. I was friendly to most people and thought most people liked/tolerated me and might say "How are you?"; but, few wanted to hang. As a senior in High School I was VP of Student council, my senior class and editor of the newspaper. So I was around people and had to have some confidence.
College:
Somewhere along the line, I started to lose myself and my confidence sunk. I was really in a state of complacency. (Which I have also touched on in a previous blog!) Eventually my confidence dwindled down to nothing. I had become very negative. I didn't lose confidence all at once, it was a slow process. I still didn't have many guy friends and still felt awkward around a group of them. I was not a bit happy. I went to class, work, came home and stayed in my room, until it was time to repeat the process. I put on a show so nobody could see how unhappy I was. There were times that I really contemplated suicide off and on for years. That changed one Sunday at church. (Maybe that will be another future post.)
A Great Quote:
Dr. Seuss once said "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” What a profound statement! Everyone tries to fit in and we shouldn't. Maybe we should do the opposite and be our own person. Actually, when I decided to embrace my weird and not care about standing out, is when I started to fit in and find some of the best friends I've ever made. This brings me to the part of the story where I will talk about two great friends, mentioned earlier!
Friendships in Florida:
Until May 2014, when I moved to Florida, I had few close guy friends ever. That soon changed when my then roommate Matt and I were sitting on the bus. (By the way, I thought I wouldn't like this guy.) There were about 10 guys sitting around on the bus talking in a U-shaped seating arrangement (which was odd for me since most of my friends had been female; however, I got through that without saying anything awkward and was pleased) and one guy (my now best friend Parker) starts telling this story (that I will NOT go into....don't ask!) and Matt starts acting out while he's telling the story. And that started my friendship with Parker.
Sounds simple right? Wrong! I still had to overcome awkwardness to become friends. Our 2nd meet up was much more awkward and much less comical. (Actually it was so awkward it might be more comical.) When I moved to Florida, I was determined to make male friends. (Maybe too determined, because I had some super awkward moments!) I thought "Well Parker and I will never be friends!" But, he decided to give me another chance and we have now become best friends!
Parker and Matt are the two I attribute to gaining my confidence back. While I can think of several that tried over the years, it wasn't until I worked and lived at Disney where it happened. Which I would have never dreamed when I met them this would happen. I thought they would be like most males and just think I was super awkward and stay away. I know I came off awkward to both of them at least a couple times; however, the acceptance and friendship helped me gain confidence.
To be fair, several at Disney helped in their own way (other roommates, neighbors and co-workers) but, these were the two I needed reassurance from because of our lack of things in common. Even though, I'd rather enjoy a night in by myself, then at a bar watching The Rangers play. And even though both Matt and Parker would choose the opposite, they let me know it's okay to be different and they accepted it. This makes them sound like similar people. While they do have more in common with each other, than they do with me, they are not the same. If we could all be on Friends, I would be Ross. Matt would be Joey and Parker would be Chandler. To give you an idea. (Oddly enough they grew up 30 minutes apart in NY and didn't know each other until the aforementioned bus ride in Florida! Which explains the obsession with The Rangers!)
Friendships Now:
I still struggle with fitting in with males that give me flashbacks to that awkward 8th grader. However, now that I have true friendships, I know what to look for in an authentic relationship! I still take a while to warm up to people, especially males; however, I have come a long ways. Sometimes, you will be excluded and that's never fun; yet, even if you are included, being included and being friends are far from the same thing!
My advice for you is to find a friend that has almost nothing in common with you; however, make sure that friend accepts you for who you are! Also, make sure you accept them too! It may be people you never dreamed as being a friend and they could turn out to be some of the best friends you've ever made! Take my word for it!
Your turn:
Share, like and comment below with a story of a friend that has positively impacted you!
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