Nicholas' Playlist pt 6: 'By The Grace of God'- Katy Perry
I started this series earlier this year. I thought I would revisit it. In May, Katy Perry sang part of this song on the American Idol finale. I hadn't heard it, so I looked it up to hear the full version. Ever since then I have listened to this song again and again. Let me say this to those who don't know Katy Perry writes all her songs but from what I understand it's the only song she has produced because it was so personal to her and how she overcame suicide. (At the end I have a link to a live performance of the song.)
Note: The lyrics are in bold and italics. (After the lyrics I will give my thoughts.)
Was 27 surviving my return to Saturn A long vacation didn't sound so bad Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain Running on empty, so out of gas. Thought I wasn't enough. And I wasn't so tough Laying on the bathroom floor. We were living on a fault line, And I felt the fault was all mine Couldn't take it anymore.
Katy Perry and I both grew up in church. She is a preacher's kid. I was not but my Grandma was a founding member of the church she still attends. (The last living and/or still attending founding member.) There is a lot of acceptance in church world; but, sadly, there can also be a lot of judgement. Sometimes it's easier to keep your secrets locked up. In this first verse Katy wrote the lyrics "Full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain." I remember being at that point. Now I have aired basically all my secrets and faults in past blog posts. I feel so much happier and don't have that weight on my shoulders anymore. Writing helps me be open which is what Katy is doing here. This song is about contemplating suicide. I was there for years off and on. I understand this song in many ways.
Then Katy goes into the chorus and says 'By the grace of God (There was no other way.) I picked myself by up.... and decided to stay.' The line that the background vocalist sings 'There was no other way' is a line that really strikes a chord with me. I don't know if I would be here if not for people God placed in my path that encouraged me during the down times.
In the second verse, she says "I Can finally see myself again. I know I am enough. Possible to be loved." In church world you are often told "It's not about you. It's about God." Which I agree with however you have to know that God has called you imperfectly and that you are enough in your imperfection and to serve others you have to be OK to give of yourself. I remember in 8th grade and again in my 20's being so miserable that I had lost myself. I didn't like myself how could others like me? Now I know I am enough and possible to be loved, even with my faults, just like Katy wrote and it's all by the grace of God that I am here blogging! I will leave you with one of my favorite Bible verses that has gotten me through many tough days. Psalms 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning."
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